Arrived in Boston last night. Such a long flight- about 18 hours. Great to check in to a hotel, although I was suitably irritable and distant. Went out to downtown Boston to a Chinese restaurant and then later got takeaway cheesecake – including pumpkin pie. I like pumpkin pie. The food in America is not very good. Oversized and just something strange about the taste in general! We are so lucky in Australia. Everything is so fresh and healthy (mostly). Oh well; it is nice to be reminded of things like that, as it is easy to take for granted.
Husband and I were narky, so we ate and headed back to hotel. Crawled into bed, passed out and then I woke with the worst migraine. I took some pain killers and couldn’t stomach them, so threw up and then I was basically throwing up every hour for the next few hours, crawling back into bed shivering and shaking. Thankfully around 3pm I started to feel better and was okay this evening. I slept for 18 hours in total! We got takeaway pizza and then walked to a local AA meeting. It was so good to hear the message of recovery and be filled with God and hope again. The woman who shared told the most horrific story. The things she would do to get drugs. She once had her ex girlfriend scorch her with a rod that had been put in the fire so her arm would welt up and she could go to hospital and score drugs! How awful. And she told all these other stories where God was working through all the darkness to help her get the message and it was just so amazing to hear. I spoke and said I was from Australia and told a little bit about my story. It was good and we got invited to another meeting tomorrow night and driven home by two older, sober members.
In the back of my mind is S, always. It is hard living a double life. I am looking forward to clean, honest living. I have to trust that God will work it out and forgive me and that He will turn things good and right. It won’t be without much pain though, but I guess I am used to that. She loves deep and in some ways I am used to that, but not. It feels different. She is very wise and measured for someone so young and who has been hurt too. I want to be good for her, a good person. I want to love like that too.
Tomorrow I am going to run around the Navy Yard (we are staying in that part of Boston).