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Returning Home

Back home- Perth, for a conference. Staying with my sister, her husband and my niece and nephew. Husband is in tow. When we arrived back at the house, the energy hit us hard. The place was different. It seemed more jagged, worn, comfortable and colder than last time. Granted, it’s Winter, the clothes are drying on the rack inside and the air is crisp, but the feeling wasn’t seasonal. A marriage was dying, right before our very eyes. I knew my sisters marriage was in trouble. We had watched it shift and change. They went through troubles- a loss of job, their dream home having to be sold and moving into a rental. Resentment building. Losing faith in God, their belief fuelling their commitment at one stage, then pride and money got in the way. Perhaps God took it away hoping they would learn a valuable lesson, come back to Him, repentant and renewed in faith. Instead my sister’s heart got hurt and she felt bitter and betrayed and she turned to the bottle to settle the resentment  and the more he tried to do better, the worse it got and then the more distant he became. Because that is how he grew up, hiding and running, hiding and running. And that is how she had grown up- sinking and desperate, lonely and angry. And they lost hope.

Sister says a divorce is on the cards, but probably not until the children grow up. That’s another 8 or so years. More time for the cycle of drinking and running and sadness and bitterness and loneliness to sink in and take hold.

Sister warned me mother might turn up unannounced. If she does, it will be a weekend of sadness.

Its funny growing up, watching people change, get older, weirder, wiser, or more separate from self. I hope I grow up better and better and better. I believe that God keeps people young. Every day I pray to be a beacon of His light as much as I don’t feel I am displaying this.

I guess the moral is, you can’t stop learning and growing. Otherwise the rut of existence takes hold and it wants to eat you alive. We must continue to challenge it daily. There does not seem to be a choice, unless one just gives up. We mustn’t give up.

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