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It is hard to be in my body.

For an RA survivor, being in the body is hard. It is not a pleasant experience. For example, I just took the dogs for a walk and I noticed that I was walking down the steep hill on my toes, rather than bending my knees to give myself a sturdier stance. I have just started boxing too and also noticed that I find it difficult to lower myself in the stance and bend my knees. I think I discovered the reason why. As I was walking down the hill, I made a conscious effort to bend my knees but then I heard a voice, a part, and she was in pain. It shot through my body. (Trigger Warning********) – “They said they would chop off my legs”, “I can’t move”, “It hurts to move”. I am sad that she feels this way and understand that when I move my body that way, she gets triggered and scared. Today at the very least, I can write this out and feel a little bit of her sadness.

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2 thoughts on “It is hard to be in my body.

    1. Thank you. It was good to feel it and not fully reject it, though I wrote the blog quickly and then pretty much disconnected from self doing work lol!

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