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What it is like to be dissociative compared to the movies?

I saw ‘Split’ today (dir. M. Night Shyamalan, 2017); featuring James McAvoy, who plays up to 23 different alters. Two of his alters wreak havoc and kidnap three young girls, in preparation for the reveal of a new alter, named ‘The Beast’. The Beast is a demonic manifestation, that feeds (literally) on innocents and is hell bent on taking over the system in order to take the body to a new level; in terms of its internal bodily and mental powers (reminds me of the two Swedish MK Ultra women in the documentary, ‘Madness in the Fastlane’). The film is a gross exaggeration of dissociative identity disorder and has caused some uproar in the DID and mental health community for its misrepresentation of DID.

The manifestation of alters in the film is very extreme and I think very unrealistic (although brilliantly acted by James McAvoy). The purpose of this post is not too write a film review, nor contribute much more to this discourse, but I will say that M. Night Shyamalan’s work in general is very focused on promoting the Illuminati agenda and so any film he makes, should not be taken as a direct representation of anything ‘real’, other than pushing the NWO agenda and getting bums on seats.

Of course, I cannot speak for others with DID, so I will attempt to describe what it is like for me to be dissociative. I don’t really feel like I ‘split’ as such, rather I just seem to fade away. I do feel co-conscious most of the time and therefore don’t really lose hours of time, which is a relief and probably why I am so well functioning. An example is yesterday: I woke up feeling out of sorts. I felt like my little parts were close to the surface, perhaps from having bad dreams (but I couldn’t remember them). I went to a boxing class and tried to push on, despite feeling ‘odd’. Another way to describe this, is that I didn’t feel connected to self. I had to do some sponsoring with an AA friend, which went okay, but I felt a little irritable and not as connected to her and what I was doing than perhaps I would have been another day, another time.

I had planned to go on a bush walk that afternoon and did. It took three and a half hours; my feet hurt so badly by the end and I was so glad to get back in my car and head home. I probably wouldn’t do this again by myself, but it was good to be in nature and have some alone time. The walk didn’t bring me back to self, so by the time I got home, I had fully dissociated and my little parts had come out. They talked to my husband and just said hello and cuddled with him on the couch. We watched a movie and then I went to bed after that. The movie was ‘Girl on a Train’, which is a terrific film, but not very appropriate for the little ones to watch. Besides the sex in the film, they enjoyed it, because it is an interesting story about memory loss and piecing your past together. I went to bed feeling disconnected from self, a little scared and mostly just confused and small. I woke up with a headache, after more bad dreams (which I can’t remember the content) and gradually came back to me by the evening.

DID is not a big stage show for me. Most people would not know I had this; perhaps I might act a little different some days, but I guess I would be considered moody, if anything. My husband, therapist and spiritual adviser are really the main people who have seen me switch or who have met my parts. The whole idea of DID is that it is a protective mechanism and designed to keep the trauma / pain hidden. ‘Split’ is sensationalist and promotes a satanic agenda, rather than offering an in depth look into this amazing coping mechanism. It also suggests that trauma and pain is a good thing, as it grants people the ability to access more parts of their brain, plus elevates them to a more superior level than the average Joe walking the streets (or the ‘sleeper’ as said in the film). Don’t get me wrong, trauma and pain actually do this – but at what cost? I believe it is God that has the ability to transform and deepen our ability to connect with ourselves and others.

I am glad I saw the film and didn’t find it as triggering as I thought it might be. I do get a thrill out of watching films with DID/ multiples as central characters, even if it is unrealistic. I made sure I talked to my parts before watching the film and told the little ones they couldn’t watch it, but I know they did. Everyone watched. Did we relate? Maybe a tiny bit… 🙂

 

 

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