Last night I dreamt I was pushing about 100 shopping trolleys, and working really hard not to let go of them. I think this is metaphoric of how I am feeling internally with my parts and maybe even memories. Like, I am trying to hold on and not let anything spill out. I am trying not to crack at work or at home (not doing greatest job with the latter). Having trouble with AA too and because the group rhetoric is ‘if you leave you will pick up a drink’, I am scared to walk alone with God. I fear that is not enough. I know it is silly me even thinking that God is not enough, but when you are under spiritual attack constantly it is hard to hold on to the truth and it is a daily spiritual battle, that sees me lose often. I will keep holding on though, to the hope, to the truth, to bearing witness.