Despite being newly married and things going rather swimmingly in life, I feel a constant dis-ease. A sense of loneliness and despair that sends a chill up my spine. I crave to crumble in a heap and come out of the wreckage reformed, ‘normal’ – whole. The thing is, things are pretty ‘normal’ right now and it scares the hell out of me. I wonder when it will all go wrong again, things won’t go my way, disappointments will abound, i will get hurt. Evidence has shown me though that my life now has very little of these things, in fact it only keeps going up, so this stuff, this stuff is old thoughts, old patterns, belief, systems and wait for it… memories. Mmh… so to check in and listen to these sad thoughts, means possibly connecting with the black hole that is my past. And that my friends, just ain’t that easy. Because when I do, I start spinning and the terror and programming is out to stop me.